The Sense of Nonsense

I like nonsense; it wakes up the brain cells. It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope and that enables you to laugh at life's realities. -Dr. Seuss Ü

Sunday, November 27, 2005

A Three-fold Utopian Dream

You might recognize the title's verse from I Miss You by Incubus. Yes, I'm going crazy over their songs again even though they're a bit old. Oldies but goodies, I say. As I finally got fed up with saying the wrong lyrics while singing, I looked up the lyrics and much to my surprise, they were actually really deep and meaningful. Just goes to show someone who cares more for the tune rather than the meaning, eh? Hahaha! Well, that's me.

Anyway, I didn't have much time this week to post entries about the last week's hellish weekend, so I'm finding time now so that I can have something new that my teacher can read tomorrow when she'll be grading all our blogs. Hehe. =0)

Ok, just an intro... I swear I'm not a mean person. I didn't mean for myself to feel this way. I've always liked sharing my love for others and back in high school, I've always been active or I try to be in being caring and compassionate. So please don't take this against me! It's just that experiences change people. It's just unfortunate for those who get bad experiences like me. =0)

For the second term, we've been required to go to school on Saturday afternoons for the NSTP or the National Service Training Program. It's like a law or something in the Philippines that forces me to choose between ROTC (Reserve Officer's Training Corps??) or community service. I chose community service. Needless to say, I was horrified upon learning that my block's schedule was on Saturday 1-4. I mean... Come on!! I'm a teenager! We're teenagers! Stuck in school on a Saturday? Nooooo. Anyway, after a while of whining, I finally got over it. Like okay fine, we're doing this for the less fortunate people. I have so got to be unselfish for a change. Even if it means not being able to got out and have a social life or meeting up with high school friends I've so missed.

Sleeping Beauty

"Ludo-cris"

In this term, we've been required two site visits. Thats means that we have to go the end of the world twice this term. Oh by the way, the place we've been assigned? Bulacan. Sitio Karahome, San Juan del Monte, Bulacan. My God. The end of the world I tell you. Three hours to get there and three hours to get back. We have to travel practically across the whole National Capital Region just to get there in an unairconditioned jeepney. I have motion sickness, so I pretty much hated the fact that I could barf with only little warning and that I had a headache the whole trip. Anyway, I've discovered a lot of universities that I didn't know about. Talk about impracticality! How could I help others with a bad headache, an upset stomach, polluted lungs and aching bones? We couldn't even spend a lot of time there, but there was nothing to be done about it.

On the first site visit, I didn't puke. I took it as a good sign. Anyway, as we arrived there after a lot of jostling, squeaking suspension and cliffside treks, we were supposed to go to our host families to get to know. So my buddy Ada and I went to our host family's home. We were talking and asking them questions, but then this old lady was making parinig (making insinuations) that they needed money and she was underhandedly asking us for money. She was asking us if we could like ask for 5 pesos from each student to give to their school. All right, it was a just cause but hey ang kapal niya noh! We were the ones who travelled the long way there to help them. We gave them food and our time and then they were even asking us for our money. I know by this time some people are probably thinking how mean I am for thinking like this. But then you haven't heard the next bit. After dodging their repeated attempts at getting their grubby hands on our money, I asked them how they could not save anything up. I asked them like if they sold their crops at different times a year, then they'd have money to pay the tuition of P40 pesos every month. It wasn't much. Selling one kilogram of vegetables would be more than enough to cover that expense. Then they told me that when they had money, the husbands would all go drinking and spend everything they have. I was indignant with fury. What?!?! I thought. It was such a turnoff. I so didn't want to help them anymore. They were poor because of their own faults, of their own stupidity. They would prioritize alcohol over their children's future and well-being? Helloooooo. I mean, come on! Words just couldn't express at how furious I was and they had the gall to ask me for money. Why don't they ask their drunken husbands for money? The husbands should know better. Jeez. And they know it! They know they're wrong. They were saying like you know... priorities... Well.. you know your priorities are screwed up why don't you do something about it? My gulay (my vegetables).

After that, I was painfully bitter every Saturday. I didn't like community service. I hated going to school and wasting my day for a bunch of drunken, hedonistic lot who are more selfish than I am. If they love their drink so much, then they shouldn't have kids. If they have enough to spend for their San Miguel, please go and buy a condom with it.

But then we had to create this project proposal for them to help them. I thought of this great project. Waste Management. Okay it may not seem so great but it actually is well in my opinion anyway. The rest of the class and of course the NSTP facilitator thought it was rubbish. Hahaha. I like it for the following reasons: 1. It's sustainable development. What would we achieve if we opted for the tutoring program? They have a school to teach them. It would be us working for them. And I don't want that because I want them to work for their own progress. Sariling hirap. Sariling sikap. (Your own hard work. Your own success.) They'll just be encouraged to rely on people if we work for them. The beauty of a waste management program is that all we have to do is to teach them then they'll work on their own. We just have to check up on their progress but basically, they're the ones who're working for the progress of their own town. 2. It's simple. Step 1: Lecture. Step 2: Provide trash cans. Step three: Check up. The simpler a project is, the more likely it is to be successful. 3. It's pro-active and not reactive. The rest of the class doesn't see what a future problem waste is in their community. The way I see it, it's going to be a problem sometimes soon. I mean, I notice so many junk food wrappers just mixed up in the soil or lying along the dirt road. Those are non-biodegrable. They're aluminum. Along with that there are a lot of Tetra packs. Tetra packs are super hard to recycle. They have layers of aluminum, paper and plastic and it just won't sink into nothing when left in the ground for 10 years. This is why we are having so much problems now. We wait for things to happen. Look at all the bustling cities. They didn't use to care so much about their waste, but look at them now. They're all struggling with piles of garbage and toxic bodies of water. They didn't think ahead. They just thought of the now. I'll bet anyone in 10 years that they'll be wanting the students of DLSU to do something about their waste.

Of course, this was met with much hesistance and disdain by our facilitator. I swear, he is such an advocate of the poor person mentality. I hate him. Everyone does. He feels that just because we have a little money tucked away, it's like our responsiblity, nay our legal obligation to give to the poor. I'm sorry it's not our fault and I'm hesitant to give my time and to share my love to these people because they have money management issues. They're poor because they choose to be. They're poor because they choose their drink over their own welfare, over their progeny. How can I respect and be compassionate to people like that? How can I respect people who in the afternoons sit and wait for the people who they know are going to come and help them? They think they're helpless, but they're not.

It was a good thing that towards the end of the NSTP gig that I didn't prepare for my project proposal at all. We were supposed to be the last group to present. After the second well-prepared group spoke their peace, the facilitator rudely and connivingly shifted the discussion towards a project that he wanted and what the people wanted. He wanted us to do this water tank thing. A reservoir for the town. A group of half-baked college kids taking up liberal arts about to embark on an engineering marvel? Yeah. Right. Won't we like die? Or won't we end up doing something wrong? Because we don't know anything about hardcore plumbing and pipes and whatnot. At first, he wanted us to pay for everything. Thank goodness that got scrapped. On top of everything, he wants us to do tutoring and tree planting. Isn't that a bit much? Isn't that called taking advantage of a helping hand? Just yank the hand and chop it off while you're at it, why don't you? Anyway, that's what we ended up "agreeing" upon.

Last Saturday, I went up there again, albeit grudgingly and semi-forced, together with my block for our second site visit. We were supposed to go to our host families but Ada just dropped her pancakes from McDonald's for them and we went away in our jeep to have lunch and play Puso'y Dos (Two of Hearts). It was again, a bad experience for me. Long travel and polluted air. All we did there was to have a lecture. My golly. We could've done that in a classroom. We had to do it at the end of the world.

So now, I'm going to answer the question of what is a just society for me? Plato had his own view of utopia which I so protested against. So what is my three-fold utopian dream?

A just society for me is the opposite of what I experienced in community service. For me a just society is where everyone works hard for what he earns. For me, a just society is a society where people have respect for each other and for the environment. The people are industrious and hardworking. I do not believe in communist societies and I think they're really boring. I need to have my own individuality so I'm settling for a capitalist society but I want the classes not to have such a big discrepancy. I want my people to be honest and upright. No cheating, no corruption and definitely they will not be alcoholics who just squander money away during happy hour. My society will be ruled by the wisest group of people. Since I think that humans have the tendency to be power hungry, then I think it's best when a group of people rule and not just one. It provides a sort of "checks and balances." Justice is to be meted out to offenders. I value discipline in people. And then, I want my streets to be really big. The cars will of course be hybrid cars so they wouldn't contribute to air pollution. The streets should all have streetlamps and there should be trees. Lots and lots of trees and flowers. I like flowers. =0)

My utopia seems quite impossible to achieve. I think that no matter what, in capitalist societies, gaps between the rich and the poor can't be helped. It just continues to grow until it becomes a wide berth upon which only the greatest of men can cross. But then again, that's why it's called a utopia isn't it?

Friday, November 11, 2005

To Each His Own

People get addicted to things. Some get addicted to coffee, drugs, chocolate or perhaps even to shopping. But me? I kind of get addicted to fiction.

I had a friend who said that subconsciously I wanted my life to this big fancy fairytale and that I wanted the things happening in the books I read to happen in real life. Well, I admit there is some truth to that. I suppose part of the cause as to why I’m unhappy in this life is because I really do kind of keep imagining that something’s going to happen. I think my last entry Growing Up explained much of this compulsion and also my profile. My belief in The Storyteller’s Creed is proof enough of my love for happy endings and the fantasy stuff. And I used to be a writer. I suppose I can’t call myself a writer now. For reasons unknown to me, I just suddenly stopped writing at one point in my life. I used to be a prolific one back in my childhood. I wrote my masterpieces such as the The Shark Who Ate Everything, The Dog and the Girl, Mr. Lancome (inspired from my mother’s Lancome moisturizer), Let Gopher Rise Again (kinda creepy, now that I think about it), and The Cat and the Boat.

Anyway, last Saturday I was finally able to buy the complete first season of Veronica Mars. Finally!!! I’d wanted to watch that show since even before summer! It’s soooooooooo nice!!! All week this week, I didn’t sleep or study because I just kept on watching that series. It’s like I just needed to watch the next episode because it was just toooo nice, because I wanted to know who killed Lilly Kane, who raped Veronica, what the Kanes are trying to hide and because I like Logan sooo much. I just really couldn’t help myself. Veronica’s clothes were just tooooo toooo nice. I just wish I could wear those kinds of clothes to school. But the really weird thing is, she lives in California. She’s wearing sweaters, sweater vests, and jackets the whole time. Maybe it’s winter. Anyway, so trivial, they’re cute and I’m happy. So I guess this is what brought me to the topic of addiction.

My sister was telling me that I was just super addicted to Veronica Mars. (As if I didn’t know that.) She told me I was embarrassing. Haha. Well, it’s ok. It is kind of embarrassing, but it’s just the way I am. When I’m addicted to something, I’m really addicted. I can watch like 12 hours straight, like when I bought The O.C., Friends and Desperate Housewives. I remember last term break. I would sleep at 3 am just watching Desperate Housewives then I’d wake up in the morning to watch it again and then I’d spend all day and night watching it. At least I’m not alone though, my seatmate Miko was telling me about his sister who was also like me. Yayyy!

I know I’m going to be all teenage girly but I just have to share this. In Veronica Mars, at first I really hated Logan Echolls for being this big jerkwad, but then in one episode, he gets all chivalrous and that’s when he became my favorite. In that episode, Veronica was staking out and she was following this boy because he might be behind the school’s bomb threats. But then she got caught, but at that time she was talking to Logan. She dropped the phone, so Logan could hear that the boy was like telling her to go to the Camelot and he was threatening her. When they got there, Logan was there to save Veronica. Yayyy!! He was starting to beat the guy to a pulp, when Veronica discovered that the boy she was tracking was actually a secret agent for the government. They all came to discuss what the agent knew. The agent was telling Logan to get out, but then he got all protective and he didn’t want to. Aww.. He got out anyway, but he didn’t want the door closed all the way in case anything happened. Awwwwww!! Then when Veronica was leaving, she gave Logan a smack on the lips, but then Logan just swooped in and they had their two minutes in heaven. Awww!! I really loved this part. It was soo.. sweet. In the second season, it is discovered that Logan was the one at the door and not Duncan. Yessss!! I hate Duncan. He’s weird. Logan’s hotter. ------>
But then, he gets too psychotic. I hate it! Whyyy???? I just watched the first episode in the second season. They broke up!! I hate it so much and now she’s with Duncan. Why’d they make Logan so psychotic? I really liked him and then he gets all weird. Well, I suppose if in one year your mom committed suicide and your dad became a convicted murderer, you’d probably get a little psycho, but hey!! Logan was my favorite. He’s so much better than Duncan. Augh! It’s so frustrating. I hope Logan and Veronica get back together. They’d better.

In The O.C. I just lovvvveeeee Seth Cohen -- His witty banter, his ceaseless chatter, the curly hair, the geek thing and his clothes. I love his clothes most especially. They’re so cool. He’s always well-dressed. And the comic book? Super cool. I want my own character and my own name. Summer’s name is pretty cool. Little Miss Vixen? I want that name! And I like Summer. She’s such a bitch sometimes, but that’s the cool thing. I think I like her character because I so can’t do the bitch thing. I’d be guilt-ridden forever. She’s got guts.

In Laguna Beach, I loveee Stephen, but then he's just so mean. And he likes Kristin. Ew. Haha!

Whew. That made me feel so much better. I swear I have no one to relate to at school. All they watch are those weird local shows. I never watch those. I’m the only one who watches Veronica Mars or The O.C. or Laguna Beach in class.

I don’t know it’s just something about these make believe stories. I know I’ve been brainwashed by Hollywood but it’s just that their lives are so interesting. Yeah, I should probably get a life, but I swear I just like it. I can’t help it and I can’t explain. Anyway, if I stop watching TV I’m going to get my books and then I’d just be fantasizing again and I’d be right back where I started. I suppose fiction is my escape from the world. It’s the thrill of escaping into another world, a world of excitement and happy endings that drive me to watch these “useless” things. Whenever I’m down or I have problems, I just pop in Friends then I’d be laughing the whole night. And it’s just good fun.

One time I watched Sky High and I just really really loved that corny movie. It wasn’t corny for me though. I loved it. The superheroes’ kids have their own school? Cool!!! I always wanted to be a super hero. During the movie I was already picking out my favorite character and I was already thinking what power I’d like to have. When I watched Harry Potter, it’s like, I keep on thinking what House I’d be in, what subjects I’d pick. When I watched X-Men, I start thinking about what powers I’d like or what my story would be because I’d be this badass tough chick. I could just go on and on. I love it.

Philosophers like Plato and the rest of the modern philosophers spent their whole lives trying to seek the ultimate reality. I’d just bet that they hate people like me. While they’re trying to find the World of Ideas or reality or whatever, here I am just trying to get out of the “non-reality” that I’m in into this super “non-non-reality”. Hahaha. And I’d just bet that they’d hate all my favorite shows. At least I’m not frustrated trying to discover something that doesn’t exist. I mean, what is the point of trying to find another reality? Why not just live in the reality where you’re at? If ever they do find this reality that they want to find, they wouldn’t get to live there anyway because they’re over here and they would have spent their years trying to discover this perfect reality that they’d be dead and gone by the time they do. Aren’t I just the chirpy anti-philosopher?

Well, we all want different things in life. Some people want to find the meaning of our existence and to discover the true reality while I love Veronica Mars ut mind you, I’m not shallow. as the saying goes, to each his own.

If Only

This is a descriptive essay I wrote for my English class. I just felt like posting it here and sharing it to the world. =0)

If you had a chance to change one thing about your appearance, what would it be?


There has always been one feature of mine which I have considered the bane of my existence since time immemorial. I regard it as a curse, a thorn which I long to get rid of. Funnily enough, thry are what i use to see, but I never want to have to look at them. They are the windows to my soul. They are my eyes.

People have often told me that my eyes are my most defining feature. Not because they are big, bulbous and expressive, but, in fact, quite the contrary, they're very, very small and chinky. Once, I had a friend who told me that they were like slits, like God was in a hurry and he'd cut them out just do I'd have eyes. That's how bad and unsightly they are.

The reason why I hate them so much lies not in the fact that I hate my race. I love being Chinese. We have a culture that's rich in tradiction and we can speak in the presence of strangers and no one would be able to understand us. That is, of course, when we're not in China. It's just that my eyes in particular look horrible.

The shape of my eyes is just like what my friend said, just a pair of random shapes. I don't even have an eyelid fold. The area below my eyebrows are thick and puffy. As a result, this gives me a very droopy-eyed look, as if i were sleepy. Since they're so small, I have a hard time showing my expressions. My friends and I love to take pictures of ourselves. We try to controt our faces into having different emotions, but I am unable to do so. In pictures, being happy, sad, sexy, seductive and angry all look the same for me. It's just these darned eyes.

What would I give to have a different pair of ocular senses? The question is, what would I NOT give. People have always berated me and told me that I should be happy with what God has given me, but I can't help it. During the times when I allow myself to float away from reality, I would always imagine what life could be like if I had the big, beautiful eyes with the long, dark and curly lashes to match. All of the effects I could think of and all of the scenes that played out in my head were all positive. I'd be a lot more confident. I'd a be a lot less insecure. I won't have to worry about what poeple would if they see me. Do they notice that my eyes are ugly or that they aren't perfectly symmetric? Goodbye, forever. I would not be too obsessed with myself. I would not be constantly looking at the mirror trying to see if i look okay. Best of all, peoploe might think that I'm pretty. If only.

If only dreams could come ture. I could wait for better technology to come along, but while I do, there is not much left to do but to build on my confidence and to appreciate what I have been clessed with. After all, we have to make the most of what we have, right?

Sunday, October 30, 2005

Growing Up

“You can’t step into the same river twice.”
-Heraclitus


I just finished watching A Cinderella Story on HBO. I was planning to sleep right after the movie, but i couldn’t wait until tomorrow to write this.
First of all, I swear that movie is SOO CHEESSYYY. The lines and the characters were so overly dramatic. I was caught between cringing and laughing during some scenes in the movie. Here’s an example:

SAM (to Austin): I can’t wait for you, because waiting for you is like waiting for rain in this drought – utterly [impossible?] and pointless.

EWW… What is that?? Who says things like that in the real world? Hollywood movie people, please, sometimes people enjoy the occasional “predictable teenage romance,” but we can do without the cheesy dialogue.

Anyway, the funny thing is, while I was listening to them, I couldn’t help but remember my pre-teen self. I was soo like them. I used to think like them. I was so the drama queen from my adolescence up until around my second year of high school. I kept on remember what I used to write in my essays, like when I wrote about how much I loved to run but I couldn’t because I had weak knees, and how it would have been the greatest thing in the world to feel the wind in my hair and forgetting all my problems. Ew. I swear.

I had this friend before. I met him through the Internet, hence the further reminiscing that the movie brought on. I’d always imagined him to be the one person in the whole world who would ever understand me and who would listen to me wholeheartedly. Again, I see my idealism had taken me too far. From what I recall, I think I told him the kind of things I wrote in my essays and what Sam and Austin told each other in their essays. I’d brought him to the innermost depths of my soul. I swear. I was so gross. And I think that that was a major factor as to why he just suddenly up and disappeared after 3 years. It was that or that he was just a jerk. Hm.. I think both. Anyway, I think I freaked him out a bit—or a lot. Embarrassing myself seems to be what I’m really good at. I could just cringe at the memories.

See, I’ve always really loved to read books; happy endings and fantasies were and are still my favorites. I think that what brought on this drama queen stage was my love or obsession of the fantastical lives of the characters that I’d read about. It was like life could be like that. Life could be perfect and fun and happy. I was so brainwashed. When I was 12 or 13, I read Love Stories, Sweet Valley Middle Twins and Sweet Valley High. (All of which seem archaic and all of them are out of print.) Anyway, I’d always imagined that when I will have turned 16, my life will have been like theirs, like I’d meet this guy and we’d just have the perfect love story and I’d have had my adventure in life.

When I really turned 16, it didn’t quite turn out that way. In fact, it was quite uneventful. I can’t even remember if I had a party. I don’t think I did, big fat nerd that I was.

Anyhoo, the years passed; before I knew it, high school was over, but I hadn’t had my great Big Adventure yet. Up until today, when I watched A Cinderella Story, I just realized that I hadn’t really thought THAT much about my Big Adventure or the Greatest Love Story of the Ages – not as much as I used to obsess about them anyway. It was just like stored at the back of my mind.

Now that I think about it, I hadn’t been much of the drama queen these past 2 or 3 years. I haven’t really expressed my deepest thoughts to other people the way Sam or the old me did. My essays became more upbeat and blithe. I think I’ve grown to be more cynical. I’ve partly accepted that I would probably never have the Life Changing Moments or have the totally independent, free and fun life of the American teenagers.

I think that I’ve changed considerably as a person. Had I just grown up? Oh no, am I becoming an adult? EW.

Physically, I’ve changed A LOT, and for the better if I may say so myself. I think that I was the ugliest adolescent that ever existed. I swear, I can’t even look at how bad my pictures were and there were only a few. Thank God I grew into my looks or else I would’ve just died.
But I guess Heraclitus was right. All things flow and change. I am a totally different person inside and out now as compared to myself a few years ago.

If there’s one thing, I so don’t want to grow up. Ship me off to Neverland. Besides the wrinkles and the age spots, I’, going to have no imagination and I’m going to so boring, jaded and unfun. I hate it. I would not be allowed to be carefree anymore and I can’t wear all the fun clothes.

Well, I really can’t do anything about it, can I? I’d best stay young and hot. Oh, I mean young at heart. Ooh, that’s going to be a pickle.


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The movie that inspired the blog entry.

Thursday, October 27, 2005

My Bad

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Bertrand Russell


A few days ago, we were discussing Bertrand Russell’s essay, “Why I Am Not a Christian,” in my Introduction to Philosophy class. My blockmates were opining their views on the matter and I decided to do the same. I told my professor that I didn’t think it could ever be proven that God existed. I mean, think about it. It really is impossible. I just believe that if people need a God in their lives and then well, as long as they’re happy, who am I to judge? This is more of an agnostic view of things. Anyway, after saying this, I got the feeling that some of my blockmates were a little well, shocked? Perhaps stunned would be a better word. They made it seem like I was this bad person who didn’t believe in God. And to think that I came from an all-girls private Catholic school run by “puritan” nuns! (Quotes were purposely included because they weren’t really that nice or even remotely pure of heart at all.)

Well, when I said that it didn’t mean that I myself didn’t believe in God. I just think that it could never be proven that he exists. What’s so wrong about that? It doesn’t mean that I’ve completely abandoned him or anything. I don’t believe many things in the Bible and in the Catholic Church, but I believe in God. I believe in His existence. It’s just that I don’t think that anyone can PROVE that he exists.

My blockmates made it seem like I was this bad person because I didn’t believe in God. What is “bad” anyway? Bad is a relative term. Wearing miniskirts in this day and age is becoming quite acceptable in most Western societies, but for the Amish, it’s like a damnable sin that will quickly hurl you into the fires of hell and beyond. For me bad can mean two things: It can mean something that hurts other people and it can mean being different from everyone else, like going against the norm and stuff. I suppose for them it’s bad not to believe in God.


To go back to the topic of discussion that prompted this whole entry, Bertrand Russell had a good point in his essay, when he said that people believed in God because they were made to do so since birth. Yeah, I mean society has that effect. It can brainwash you to believe anything that they want. The thing that’s bothering me the most is that my faith may have been produced by this society. I mean, what if other religions were the religions that spread out in the world, say, paganism. What if paganism had been the one that was the most popular religion in the world? What if it was paganism that had been taught to us by the Spaniards? Then we’d all be pagans, right? So what I believe in God right now because history just accommodated its proliferation the best? I mean there are cases like that. The British won this battle against the Germans because they made a more accurate prediction of the weather than the Germans did. What if it had been a circumstance that changed all of history and made us believe what we believe now? Then what we believe now isn’t necessarily the best thing or the most righteous thing. It’s just the thing that luckily had gotten through the test of times. I don’t know if I’m being clear. The point is what Russell said got me thinking. Now, I’m doubting. Hmm…

I also think that it’s an emotional thing. I think that people just need to believe in something that’s why religion was invented. They needed to believe that there is something ultimately higher than they because they had so many questions that they wanted answered. What are they doing here? Why are they here? I mean life is so pointless. You are born. You grow up. You get old and you die. Even if you’d had lots of successes in life what is the ultimate point of it all? So you have successes… anddddd??? The point is…???

Anyway, so take the pagans again. Even the years before Christ, people had invented gods and goddesses because they needed to explain the phenomena around them. This is exactly my point. Religion was invented because we need something to believe in. Are we really sure that what we believe in right now is actually the correct one? What if paganism is something like our religion? They’re just… religions. I mean, those pagans thought that what they believed in was right. We think that what we believe in is right. We also use God to explain certain phenomena around us. Take for instance, when a person falls on bad luck. We sometimes find people saying that God gave him his just desserts.

I really don’t have anything to conclude. I just have a really big bunch of questions that I think I will never get to answer. Philosophy is driving me nuts. It’s prompting me to doubt everything, so many things to ponder so little time.

A lot of people say that after learning philosophy, you’ll doubt your faith more and in some cases, you’ll become an atheist. Well, that’s one thing I don’t think I’ll ever do. I don’t think I’ll ever renounce my faith.

(see Bertand Russells “Why I Am Not a Christian” at http://www.positiveatheism.org/hist/russell0.htm and see for yourself.)

Monday, September 26, 2005

Born Lucky

I’m sure we’ve all heard of that cheesy cliché, “Life is fair.” As if. I’ve always thought that life was so unfair. Everyone keeps on saying that God creates all of us equally that even if one person is good at something, he may not be good at another thing that another person is good at.

Not really. I mean take my blockmate, Maita. She’s good at everything. She’s smart, articulate, good at sports, dancing, singing, debating, et cetera, et cetera. It’s only so rare to find people who are actually like that. Say she’s bad at one thing, but the next person’s really bad at more things. You can’t just find the balance between them.

My theory is: Some people are just born lucky. I think that they have this innate luck in them no matter the turn of events and some people are just not. Take for instance this situation: In PE, your class is taking up volleyball. Lucky person is not good at it. She struggles to get 30 hits in the air, while Unlucky Person is a little better. He manages to keep a good number of hits. But when test time comes, Lucky Person’s luck kicks in and then he manages to get a perfect score. Meanwhile, Unlucky Person is so unlucky that when test time comes, he doesn’t manage to produce his excellent work. I swear this may sound really silly but it’s true. I’ve been a witness to so many lucky people. And I noticed that no matter what their personalities were, whether they were really bad or good, it didn’t matter. They just get really lucky. They just happen to always get what they want I can’t explain it.
Hm.. another example and this is true to life mind you.. Lucky person doesn't do well in school. He never studies and he gets really bad grades. He's got a brother who also never studies and gets really bad grades. Both of them didn't get into the university of their choice. When Lucky person's older brother applies for reconsideration, he isn't accepted, but when it was Lucky person's time to apply for it, he got in.
I might be beginning to sound a little silly, but I really believe in my Born Lucky hypothesis. Haha

There really is no justice in the world. How hard you work doesn’t equate to how much you get. There are some people who don’t study at all, but it’s either they manage to guess the right answer or they just get a high score, again, probably because they’re lucky.

I don’t know if I should complain or not. I have my fair share of abilities. I’m not totally ugly, totally dumb or totally poor. I suppose I’m one of those “in the middle” people. I don’t know. I suppose it’s because I really get jealous easily or bitter and I really hate seeing people get what they do not deserve especially mean people who get the good stuff. I try to be good and I keep on thinking if it pays. Anyway, I’m not sadistic or the type to be purposely mean, either. I suppose I just have to content myself with what I have, but it doesn’t mean that it isn’t annoying.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

There's just more to life...

I was on my way home today and I was texting my friend in the car. I was telling him how happy I was being a liberal arts student. I had just been dismissed from my last subject, Art Appreciation, and my professor had just finished telling her story about how she realized that a business course wasn't for her and how she followed her heart and secretly shifted into the College of Liberal Arts. I've never really been entirely sure of myself. I didn't know what subjects I specifically excelled in. I didn't have any concrete super long term goals for my future. I've just been really concerned if I'd chosen the right course and if I hadn't been wrong in choosing a liberal arts subject. True, I have my Advertising Management degree to back me up, but I was still wondering if I was wasting my time studying AB Psychology which I heard was lots of fun. Anyway, I was really buoyed up by her story and it was what made me realized that maybe I did choose the right course for. From all that she described of what a liberal arts student is like and his likes and dislikes, I seem to fit well in the description.

So I was telling him how happy I was, right? (It was so hard for me to reach this point of finally being content with myself and I was really happy that finally I did.) Then to use his words, he told me he thought that liberal arts students were so "kulelat." That was so mean!! I'm a liberal arts student and I just told him how happy I was and then he burst my bubble just like that! I was so surprised that he had the gall to insult me right in my face. That was just soo... uncalled for! It was like he was insinuating that liberal arts students took their course because they were stupid and that the arts shouldn't be studied because they had absolutely no worth in this world! I mean, hey, I love the arts! Grrr... and I am certainly not stupid. According to him business courses were so much more significant because even liberal arts students had to take up the same subjects as business majors do! Feel niya noh!!! I got really really incensed and I wanted to shout at him, but I didn't want to pick a fight anymore so I just changed the subject.

I swear!!! Boys!!! I just want to roll my eyes at them! I didn't want to try to prove my point to him because he wouldn't change his opinion of it anyway! I wanted to tell him that it was really no use trying to convince and he was proving to me that he really doesn't belong in the world of liberal arts. He thinks in terms of black and white and absolutely no shades of gray. So many boys are like that. If you're not a winner then you're a loser. What?? That is sooo... stupid... But boys will be boys. The moment has passed and I don't really want to get mad at something so inconsequential in the bigger picture.

This thing really got me thinking then about why liberal arts students are so looked down upon. I mean for me... liberal arts students aren't stupid at all... I guess they're tapping into a different kind of intelligence. There are eight kinds and I doubt my friend knows that that exists. And my friends tell me that even in different universities psych majors and comm majors or generally liberal arts people are always the coolest, the funnest and they're always game for everything. I really like that. I'd hate to be stuck with a bunch of boring people. Life is way too short not to have any fun.

In Europe, I've heard that people more often take the arts courses there instead of the business or science ones. I mean, Prince William took art history.. =0)

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Prince William... Isn't he a dream? Hahaha

Anyway, I've come up with some thoughts as to why people here think that arts students are so dumb. I think it's because the world has changed and people's priorities have changed. Think Ancient Greece up to let's the 19th century. They used to proffer a higher degree of esteem to those who are cultured in the arts because they loved it. It was what they did. Attending plays, operas and debating were their pastimes. But today, it's all about money, money, money. I sound like the song from The Apprentice. Haha! Anyway, we are living in this superficial world where wealth and power are all that matters especially in this country. Everyone just wants to get rich. That's why people want to take the courses which will ensure a very hefty bank account. And I suppose that's why people think so little of us liberal arts students. For me, sure, money's important, I don't want to struggle through life, but I strongly believe that the arts should be appreciated. There's just more to life...